Well, I’m summering in London for school credit. I still plan on reviewing new films as they are released here, but since my class has just recently started up I’ve been quite busy with dense reading assignments. As such, I present guest-blogger Saul Goode’s review of one of the summer’s most hyped films: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. As a forewarning, Saul has practiced trepanning on himself, so his opinions should be taken with some discretion.....
Never having seen any of the other films featuring adventurer, archeologist, and entertainer Hannah-Montana Jones, I was a little apprehensive about going to see The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Still, all my friends seemed to be excited about it, and I do love me some historical hijinks, so into the theater I went. 14 dollars and 80 cents (7 pounds, 40 pence) later, I am pleased to report that my skepticism was utterly unfounded: this film is absolutely astounding. There has never been anything quite like it before, except American Graffiti, Grease, The Mummy, Tarzan, Apocalypto, Transformers, Independence Day and Fern Gully, but all of those movies rule as it is so just imagine them combined!
Lucas and Spielberg have finally done it- they’ve come together like two long lost lovers and created the most beautiful, remarkable child the world has ever seen, besides maybe Jesus. Any bad feelings you might have had about the Star Wars prequels will completely vanish once you finish watching this movie. Your head will be so full of wonderful thoughts and images, like clouds of gunpowder and refrigerators flying through the air. You won’t even mind that the movie doesn’t explain some things all the way. The ambiguity in the story is fun! It’s a mystery and a comedy and a videogame combined! There are also lots of animals for the kids: gophers and monkeys and ants and long rubbery snakes and aliens and fearsome indigenous natives who live inside of stone walls.
Some people might complain that there is lots of CGI, but don’t pay attention to them. It all adds to the fun of the movie. That’s the part that makes it seem kind of video-gamey and cool and hip. Every set looks like it was made for a high school play, but at a really rich school.
Instead of taking place in the boring real world with real people, the movie is set in it’s own alternative cartoony world with characters who act funny and amusing and crazy all the time. But that’s not to say that there aren’t any parts that are touching. There are some very important family revelations and instances of real affection that help to balance out all the happy fun and excitement. As they say in this industry; “you’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and you won’t want to leave with the flying saucers!”
What about Harrison Ford and Shia LeBouf you ask? Well, in the first place, Ford totally embodies the ancient history professor turned committed babysitter. He’s kind of like Elisabeth Shue in Adventures in Babysitting in that he’s the oldest one in the movie, he’s willing to go to great lengths to protect his motley crew, and he’s a romantic at heart. Meanwhile, Shia LeLebouf does a good job inhabitating the rebellious greaser badass, also with a heart (and hair full) of gold. For comparison, my friend Michelle cleverly suggested the film The Outsiders. I think Shia was channeling the great Emilio Estevez, to fantastic effect, I might add.
You would think that a movie this action-packed and zany would fly by, but again, Kingdom of the Crystal Meth is actually really lengthy and epic. The movie starts with a literal bang and although it kind of takes some breathers in the middle, the ending is truly a sight to behold. It’s “out of this world” in more ways than one, and I apologize if that is a spoiler to anyone. But seriously, IJATKOCKS is super KICKASS.
Basically, it’s comparable to the spending the whole day in one of those inflatable “moon” bounce boxes- only it’s on fire, and slowly burning to the ground around you.
-1 out of 10.
-S.G.
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